Faith:  The Catholic party or parties must be a registered member of the Parish for at least 6 months prior to the initial interview with the pastor. They must also be going to Mass every week and participating in the other Sacraments and life of the Church. According to Church canon law, the following may be cause for delay of marriage: A) Insufficient faith, or an unwillingness to practice the faith (c. 1086.2). B) A substantial lack of appreciation for the SPIRITUAL and religious meaning of marriage (can. 1095; 1101.2). C) Refusal of the parties to take part in the prescribed marriage preparation program or to refuse to participate in any premarriage assessment, evaluation, or counseling.

Preparation:  A couple wishing to be married within the Archdiocese of Kansas City in Kansas, must contact the parish priest at least six months before the desired wedding date. This will allow sufficient time for a couple to attend the required marriage preparation classes. No wedding date can be set before the initial interview with the pastor. There will be three or four meetings with the priest before the wedding.

Marriage Preparation Program:  Other than your meetings with the priest the Archdiocese requires that a couple preparing for marriage must attend a 5 session program (one a week for 5 consecutive weeks) that is led by a trained married couple in their home. The topics of discussion are usually centered around married love & family life, communication, sexuality, finances within the family context, spirituality, etc. The priest will fill out an enrollment form with you and send it to the "Lead Couple" so that they can arrange a session for you. There are usually around four other couples besides yourselves that will attend these sessions.

In rare cases, when it is totally impossible for the couple to attend a 5; week session, there is a weekend that a couple can attend in Kansas City. There is presently a weekend marriage prep at Bishop Miege High School, 5041 Reinhardt Drive, Shawnee Mission, KS. It is usually on the 2nd weekend of the month. It begins at 8:30 am on Saturday and continues until 5 pm. It resumes on Sunday at 8am (includes Mass) and continues until noon. Presently the cost to the couple for this special weekend prep is $55 ($20 is sent in with the marriage prep registration form and then the couple will pay the remaining $35 when they arrive for the weekend).

After a couple attends their 5 week session or their weekend marriage prep session, they should immediately contact their parish priest to fill out the PRENUPTIAL FORM.

Prenuptial Form:  This Archdiocesan questionnaire must be filled out by both the groom and the bride at least a month before the wedding; usually immediately following the marriage prep classes. The interview is conducted by the pastor. Besides some biographical information, it contains questions about the person’s beliefs, any dispensations that may be required, and their freedom to marry according to the Catholic faith.

When the couple come to see the pastor to fill out the "Pre-Nup’s" they must also bring with them their BAPTISMAL CERTIFICATES. For Catholics, a new copy dated within six months of the date of marriage is required since marriages are recorded on your baptismal certificate. You may obtain this by requesting one from the church of your baptism.

For those who are Christians of other denominations, any Xerox copy of proof of baptism may be submitted.

In case of a marriage between a Catholic and non-Catholic, a promise must be made by the Catholic party that the children will be raised Catholic. The non-Catholic must agree. The couple should prepare themselves for this by discussing it beforehand. After it is completely filled out, the priest will send it to the Chancery office in order to receive the Bishop’s permission to conduct the wedding.

Visiting Clergy:  Visiting clergy are most welcome. If a couple desires a visiting priest, they may arrange it with the pastor. The visiting priest of the Archdiocese should then prepare the couple through the normal Archdiocesan marriage prep program which are outlined in this booklet. If he does not live in the diocese, the parish will be happy to prepare the couple for marriage. Please remember that the law of the state of Kansas requires any priest witnessing a marriage in Kansas to be licensed in a county of the state as one authorized to witness marriages. A visiting priest must also receive delegation from the pastor to perform a marriage in the parish.

Interfaith Wedding:  If yours is an ecumenical (interfaith) wedding, a minister of another faith is welcome to join the priest in presiding. It would be important that the priest and the visiting minister discuss beforehand the different parts that each would be taking.

Every couple (Catholic or interfaith) have the option of including the Mass in their wedding celebration. The decision to have or not to have a Mass should never be automatic, but should be carefully considered in light of the faith of the couple, the families, and the guests involved. As a prayer and a sign of unity, the Mass is unexcelled’, but the Communion service may be a sign of disunity and a source of embarrassment for people of non-Catholic faiths. In the case of a marriage between a Catholic and a non-Catholic, the couple may decide that it might be more appropriate not to have a Mass but rather the sacrament of Marriage ceremony since half of the congregation cannot fully participate in Communion.

Planning Your Wedding Ceremony:  Every couple is unique and individual. You have special things to tell us, your family and community, about the way you feel about marriage, Church, God, family and each other. For that reason we are asking you to take charge of your wedding.

Everything we say and do on that day is a sign and symbol of who you are and what you are promising each other. It will be a special moment of grace for everyone present.

How Long Will The Wedding Ceremony Last?  A full Nuptial wedding (with a Mass) usually lasts 50 minutes. A Marriage ceremony with Bible readings, homily, petitions, & exchange of vows & rings, lighting of the unity candle, petitions, songs & nuptial blessing (but without a Mass), usually lasts approximately 35-40 minutes, depending on the number of songs, etc.

Together For Life Booklet:  Your priest will give each couple a small book entitled "Together for Life". This book is vital in assisting you in planning your marriage ceremony. It contains readings from the Old and New Testament that are appropriate for the liturgy. Choose one or two Readers, (Catholic or non-Catholic & possibly members of your wedding party or families). Please make sure that they are people who can read well in order to proclaim the Word of God to the congregation.

The booklet also has a fold-out planning sheet to help you mark the scriptures that you have chosen, as well as the prayers, petitions, (you can make up your own), vows, etc. that you have decided upon. The planning sheet may be given to the priest conducting the ceremony at the rehearsal.

The booklet comes in two editions. One when a full Nuptial Mass is celebrated, and one booklet without the full Mass. (A wedding ceremony which includes the Mass can never count as a Sunday obligatory Mass).

A video entitled, "Planning, Praying, and Celebrating Your Catholic Wedding" is available at the parish office if you would like to view it.

Holy Communion:  According to the laws of the Church, Communion is not allowed for the non-Catholic bride or groom & all non-Catholic members of their families (1 Col. 11:27-29). It’s important that the couple explain this to those non-Catholic members of the wedding party and family members.

"It is a consequence of the sad divisions in Christianity that we cannot extend to those not of the Catholic faith a general invitation to receive communion. Catholics believe that the Eucharist is an action of the celebrating community signifying a oneness in faith, life, and worship of the community. Reception of the Eucharist by Christians not fully united with us would imply a oneness which does not yet exist, and for which we must all pray". (National Council of Catholic Bishops).

Confession:  All Catholics are encouraged to receive the Sacrament of Reconciliation before their wedding day. If you wish, the priest will offer the Sacrament after the rehearsal since there may be people who would like the opportunity to go to Confession before the marriage ceremony.

Marriage License & Witnesses:   Required by the State of Kansas & the Church. Witnesses must be at least 18 years old. Please bring the marriage license to the rehearsal with you.

A non-Catholic may, of course, be chosen to be one of the official witnesses (Maid of Honor or Best Man). In order to show the special significance of the official witnesses, a kneeler for the Maid of Honor and the Best Man will be provided on either side of the bride and groom.

Rehearsals:   A brief rehearsal is usually held the night before the wedding. Rehearsal time should be made with the pastor, making sure it is placed on the official parish calendar. Usually, most people choose 6 or 6:30pm since they’ want it to be late enough for everyone to get off work and come to the rehearsal, but early enough so that there is still time to have a rehearsal dinner. Promptness at the rehearsal is very important since we cannot begin until everyone involved in the wedding ceremony is present. If a visiting priest will be witnessing your marriage, he should also conduct the rehearsal. It usually lasts approximately 45 minutes.

Wedding Times:   The Archdiocese does not permit Saturday evening weddings because they often conflict with the Saturday evening Parish Masses. Friday evening weddings are allowed as well as Saturday morning and afternoon weddings. We ask that weddings be no later than 2:30pm on Saturday afternoons because parish confessions begin at 4:30pm. No weddings are allowed on Sundays, Holy days or during the liturgical season of Lent. Weddings are permitted on weekdays if there is no conflict with parish activities. When choosing a time for the wedding, please make sure that you allow enough time for the wedding party’ to dress, family pictures, etc. A brides room is available in both parishes for the bride and bridesmaids to dress before the wedding.

When a wedding reception at Sacred Heart Parish Center follows a Saturday afternoon wedding, great care must be given not to disturb the Parish Saturday evening 5:30pm Mass. Keeping the hall doors closed while the Mass is being conducted will really help to keep the noise contained to the reception area.

Entrance Rite:

• Traditional:  The groom & attendants wait at the front of church as the bride’s attendants and the bride process up the aisle, the bride on her father’s arm.
• Contemporary Traditional:  The priest & servers lead the procession into the church from the rear, followed by the grooms-men who act as escort for the groom, who enters with his parents (and perhaps the members of his immediate family). Then the bride’s attendants come in, leading the bride, who is with both her parents (and family). This is a grand procession, and one that acknowledges parents and family!

Readings: Members of the wedding party, including family and friends (may be Catholic or non-Catholic), may have a role in proclaiming the Scripture readings and the prayers of the faithful (petitions). A reading from the Old Testament and the New Testament is required. The responsorial psalm may either be read or sung but it is usually sung.

Placing Of Flowers At The Statue Of Mary Or St Joseph:  An old Catholic custom that many couples opt to choose is to place a rose or a small bouquet of flowers at the statue of the Blessed Virgin or St. Joseph after Communion. The couple remains at the statue(s) for a few minutes, asking the Holy Family’s intercessory prayers in order to help them to be good spouses & parents. If a hymn is sung (often times "Ave Maria"), they remain until it is finished.

Ring Bearers And Flower Girls: In choosing ring bearers and flower girls we strongly encourage you to be realistic in the age of the child you choose children who are too young are often frightened and not well suited for the task.

Altar Servers: They will be provided for a wedding when Mass is celebrated. If you want a particular boy or girl server, please let the priest know ahead of time. Altar Servers are not necessary when the Sacrament of Marriage is not celebrated as a part of Mass. Please remember to give them a monetary gift for their service.

Organists & Vocalists: You may choose whomever you wish to be the organist or vocalist. The pastor has a list if you would like to see it.

Marriage Candles: You may purchase the marriage "Unity Candle" & the 2 accompanying taper dripless candles at most candle or gift shops. The unity candle is usually lit immediately after the exchange of vows and the exchange of rings. You may discuss with the priest conducting the wedding where you would like it to be during the ceremony.

Church Candelabra: When using the church’s Candelabra’s that sit on the rear high altar at either parish, you are expected to buy the candles for them. There is no rental fee. There are 7 on each stand. Please make sure they are dripless taper candles and that there is plastic under each one of them. Use of the candelabra is optional.

Sacred Heart Parish also has two tall free standing candelabra that require special candles to fit inside the tubes. We must special order these candles and the cost is $20 if you would like to use them. A large piece of plastic must be placed on the carpeting underneath them.

Candle-Lighters: Sacred Heart Parish has two small candle lighters if you wish to have candle-lighter’s light the candelabra’s. However, when a Mass is celebrated, that is normally the ministry of the servers. The back high altar candles will already be lit as well as the ones on the altar.

Flowers: The use of flowers and a runner are entirely up to you. Sometimes arrangements can be made to coordinate your ceremony with another wedding that will take place on the same day as yours in order to help you to save money. You should consult with the priest. Flowers are to remain in the church after the ceremony. Greenery on the pews or little flowers are permitted. Please use a tape or wire that will not damage the finish on the wood pews.

Bride’s Dressing Room: If you choose to dress at the church there are dressing rooms available. At Sacred Heart of Jesus Parish the bridesmaids dress in the new conference room upstairs in the Parish Center. At St. Casimir the bridesmaids dress downstairs or in the Pastoral Center. The grooms-man usually come already dressed. However, if you would prefer, a room could be found for them to dress in.

Rice, Birdseed, Confetti, Etc.: The use of rice, birdseed, confetti, or any substitute may not be used in the church or on church property. Some are hazardous and all are messy.

Your Wedding Music: A wedding is a communal liturgical celebration. The purpose of music, when used in the liturgical celebrations of the Church, is to glorify God and to transform his people. The music, whether it comes before, during or after the wedding, should serve to direct the people’s attention to the sacredness of the event and the presence of Christ in the holy union of marriage. Choices of music should be chosen from sources that express the divine as well as the human aspect of love. All music must he approved by the pastor (even when a visiting priest is witnessing your marriage).  (Also, see below)

Photographs: Photographs and videos may be taken during the service as long as the proper decorum is observed and as long as the process is not allowed to become a distraction to the ceremony or congregation.

The photographer must never interfere with the sacredness of the moment. Remember, the best photographer is one who is not noticed. Please have the photographer check with the priest before the ceremony begins.

The photographer must finish taking all pictures at the altar at least 30 minutes before the wedding begins. When the wedding begins, only non-flash pictures and videos are allowed. All video pictures must be taken from the choir loft (with a zoom lens it appears as if the video camera is only a few feet away!) If close-up shots are desired, they may be restaged after the ceremony. Taking pictures is permitted after the wedding but we encourage the couple to take only a few so that they may proceed to the reception in order to greet their guests.

Clean Up: It is your responsibility to leave the church as clean as you found it. We suggest that you ask the ushers to accept as part of their role to walk around and pick up any papers, flower boxes, discarded film supplies, Kleenex, etc. and help in the general clean-up of the brides room & vestibule, as well as the church. This is really important at any wedding we have, but especially when we have to get ready to celebrate the Saturday evening Parish Mass at Sacred Heart of Jesus Church.

Church Reception Hall: The new Sacred Heart of Jesus Parish Center and the newly remodeled Saint Casimir Parish Hall is available to rent for wedding receptions. Please contact Father to reserve it and to review the rental rates. It is very important to reserve the hall far in advance due to the large number of people who request its use.

Suggested Stipends: For the Church the usual stipend for a registered member is $100 or more (It helps us to cover the cost to operate the air-conditioners, lights, professional cleaning, candles, lawn care, etc.). No registered parishioner will be refused that cannot afford it.

In the event that permission is granted to a NON-REGISTERED, NON-CONTRIBUTING COUPLE to have their wedding at Sacred Heart of Jesus or St. Casimir Parish, a stipend of $300 or more is gratefully appreciated. The Church teaches us that a couple should always he married in their own faith community where they are registered. In this case, permission must be given by their pastor and by the pastor of Sacred Heart & St. Casimir.

Couples may make their check payable to Sacred Heart or St. Casimir Parish (tax deductible donation).

Couples may also wish to give a stipend to the PRIEST who is conducting your wedding .

A stipend of $25 may be given to the Sacristan. The Sacristan is the lay volunteer who opens & closes the church for the rehearsal & wedding, turns on the lights & air-conditioning, sets up the kneelers & chairs for the wedding party, lights the candles throughout the church, sets up the altar for the Mass and/or wedding ceremony, arranges the bridal room, is a helpful advisor when asked about flowers & candelabra’s etc., arranges servers for the wedding, and helps to insure that the church is tidy after the ceremony is over. Father will give you the name and phone number of the Sacristan. She is an indispensable part of any successful wedding ceremony!

When Altar Servers are asked to serve at a wedding Mass, they are usually given $10 apiece (two of them).

Fees for your organist, vocalist, and other musicians is a contract between you and them. You may wish to have one of the ushers pay them after the wedding ceremony is over.

Closing Thoughts: We hope that the above guidelines for Catholic Marriage in the parishes of Sacred Heart of Jesus and St. Casimir Parishes will be helpful to you as you prepare for the Sacrament of Marriage.

The way in which the marriage ceremony is celebrated is of great concern to both the couple and the Church community. To ensure that the ceremony accurately reflects the values of both, the Rite of Christian Marriage invites couples to participate directly with their parish priest in the planning of their marriage ceremony. Through this mutual planning the actual marriage ceremony can become as meaningful and beautiful asit should be. If vou have any questions concerning the above guidelines, please do not hesitate to contact the pastor.

The above liturgical guidelines are presented to supplement the general norms for wedding celebrations found in the "Rite of Marriage," promulgated by the Holy See on July 1, 1969, the "Common Policy For Marriage Preparation in the Province of Kansas", and the "Guidelines for the Liturgical Celebration of Marriage" prepared by the Pastoral Committee of the Priests’ Council of the Archdiocese of Kansas City in Kansas - 1984.